Oxygen, STAT.

RECOMMENDATION: start running with Doc twice a week. Throw in sprinting intervals.

Wake Up, Jays.

Alexithymia

(staring blankly at this for about fifteen minutes...)

---

A Ten-Game Losing Streak.

...or so it seems. Didn't the Jays manage to lose that game twice today?

Someone said they wanted to do shots? I'm there, man.

You're going down.

@#$!

...so the Jays were able to snap their losing streak, thanks in part to Scott Richmond's stellar performance at the plate!

Wait, that's not what happened.

This is what happened.

Jerry and Alan were having a lot of fun with the starting pitcher's first shot in the batter's box. After a big swinging strike:

"It looks like the bat swung him!"

After he grounded out: (paraphrased)

"Well, maybe he did swing the bat a little in Edmonton. As soon as he made contact, he just bolted for first base!"

"At least he ran the right way!"

Laughter ensued. Sure, guys; it's all fun and games until someone loses an eye!

I kid. It was funny.

I think I mentioned this already, but it would have been nice to SEE the freaking game.

BOB SAGET

I know, the Tourette's Guy thing is old, but that's become my favorite expletive again. And it's always fun to mess up Google keyword searches.

This losing streak thing is getting on my nerves.

This game-only-televised-on-some-obscure-Rogers-cable-channel thing is REALLY getting on my nerves.

So most of us will be missing Scott Richmond's first big league at-bats. While they're most likely to be buntactular, Jordan Bastian quotes him as claiming that he hit one off the wall in BP. He should consider hacking away, since the way things have been going, he's going to have to bat in his own runs if he wants the W. Hey, if you can hit it TO the wall, you can knock it over, right?

Jamie Campbell should be off your shit list, if only for this comment:

I went to bed hungry because nothing is open downtown and I refuse to drop $18 on room-service soup. (...) Starbucks is closed. Silly me; it's Saturday! (...) The only place open is Hooters, but I need something more substantial than chicken wings. So it's back to the hotel bar for a Miller Lite and a handful of wasabi nuts. I would have ordered real grub if the kitchen wasn't -- wait for it -- closed. (...)

Question for Chipper Jones: Where can a guy get a slice of pizza around here?

(High five)

First Sighting of 2009...

Welcome Back

I have to post something, right?

Okay, well... it's Friday, the weather is beautiful, I'm enjoying a beer, and Voodoo Joe has arrived at the party, albeit fashionably late.

From Jordan Bastian:

QUOTE OF THE DAY: "No voodoo this time." -- Pitcher Brian Tallet to Inglett. Last year, it seemed like every time Inglett was sent down, someone got injured and he was called right back up. That led former manager John Gibbons to dub him Voodoo Joe. "That's right, he's back," Inglett said with a grin.

Hmm...

...so The Franchise™ has been sent to Vegas.

I wonder who they'll call up.

Oh, look who just reappeared off the DL tonight...

...and we all know how Cito likes his tried n' true guys, right?

...just sayin'.

Joy!

Now you can have overpriced Rogers Centre hot dogs at home!

Ouch

If you need a cheer-up after last night's spanking of young Mr Cecil, head over to Mop Up Duty for some background on Roy Halladay that you probably didn't know. A Story Forgotten: Halladay’s Reinvention

So I hear that the commentary on NESN (which they actually pronounce "Nessen"? *groan*) leaves a bit to be desired? I guess I'm not missing much by not having TSN2. ("Tissen two"?) I'll be more than satisfied just listening to the Fan 590 to catch Robert Bobby Ray taking the mound tonight for The Good Guys.

That bird in the photo, incidentally, did not die in its embarrassing fall from a fence. It shook itself off and flew on.

Lame Canadiana

Extra CanCon yesterday:



Geddy Lee.

Q: Why Are These Men Smiling?

(ie, a cheesy Photo Day post.)




A: Because
, that's why.

Go * Go

Go Rios Go

I really hope Dave doesn't mind, but now that I bought myself a CreepyStalkerCam™, I enjoy playing the game of "Find GJG References" whilst at the Rogers Centre.

Go *Go

Aaron Hill

Smart move.

I suppose wearing a shin guard is a little less annoying than, say, getting konked in the tibia.

For Dave

This is where I was supposed to get all sanctimonious about going to last night's game. It bugs me that 43,000 people will show up for the sole purpose of booing AJ Burnett, while it seems to be too much trouble for people to go to a less expensive game to see arguably equally-good baseball, and cool bonus shit like seeing these rookie pitchers make their major league debuts. I thought I'd put my money where my mouth is instead of bitching.

Worst mistake I've made in quite a while. Not only did the game suck, but I sat next to the most stank-ass dude in the building (second only to Scott Richmond - heeeey-oh!), I got rained on, and my bus was ridiculously late both ways.

4:
- The number of innings people had to wait in line for beer on Tuesday, according to the girl working the beer stand.
- The number of seconds I waited to bolt out of my seat and get to the beer stand after Scott Richmond melted into a pile of suck.
- The number of beers I had and, sadly, still remembered the second inning.

Here's one positive tidbit: during warm-ups, Michael Barrett was up and swinging the bat around a little. That was nice to see.

I'm going to Monday's game and I think I should find some Ativan.

Blah.

I have to work tonight instead of heading to The Most Highly-Touted May Jays Game Ever™, so out of sheer spite, I think I'll just post some retarded crap totally unrelated to tonight's pitching match-up.







I can lock myself in the relative sanctity of my office with my AM radio until 7:59, at which time I have to head to a meeting. So Jays, if you could pound AJ right out of the game within the first two innings, that'd be cool.

Happy Mothers Day

...not that any moms read this, to my knowledge, but you may enjoy the sappy postcards from Ricky Romero and other MLB players, anyway.



Aw, ain't that special. (Sniff.)

Brian Tallet

Brian Tallet is so awesome, he can do it with his eyes closed.

This Week Has One Post

Wow. If I learned anything this week, it's (a) don't go to three games in four days when you live way out of town and have to rely on public transpo, and (b) check out your prescription drugs if you're a major league ball player.

I was actually genuinely interested in the latter point, even though I don't give a crap about the steroid issue. As a hospital nerd and lab rat, I find it interesting for guys who have, say, ADHD. That would kind of suck, wouldn't it? *cough* David Purcey? Go check out your med restrictions, courtesy of Joanna. It's nice when you're curious about something, too lazy to actually look it up, and then someone else does it for you.

On point a? Yeah, I guess I can't regret seeing Scott Richmond's dubyah #4 and the major league debuts of Robert Ray and Brett Cecil. But boy, did I want to just crawl in bed for the rest of the week. And that was not to be. I was busy as hell at work.

I'm having a hell of a time trying to stay awake here for Richmond to try for W5. If I wasn't already on that bandwagon, I would be after some nice press this week:

- Oh Hai, AL ROTM.
- Wicked CBS Sports article, and, um...
- A chick interviewing him who isn't a useless plastic actions-seats hoebag? How did that happen?

May 2 - Battle of the Fledgelings

Good God, are these kids my age combined? (sigh)

Doc's Reaction to Being Given a 4-2 Lead...

...whilst the party ensues around him: