The Te of Inglett

How To Be Awesome On Twitter

2011-04-22T15:10:00.002-04:00

A Guide For MLB Players.

DO:

* Post pictures of steak.
* Post pictures of babies and/or puppies. Popular example subjects: Bryton Cecil, The Buck twins, Josh Marisnick, Espy and Ribby Teahen.
* Joke with your fellow players. This is highly amusing to us.
* Amuse us with casual general comments: humourous anecdotes, heartfelt declarations of your boundless enthusiasm and determination, motivational quotes, gratitude for support, commiserations over shitacular Toronto spring weather, etc.
* Post additional pictures of steak. Chicken, carne asada, lobster, street meat, and other food that had a face also acceptable and encouraged.

ACCEPTABLE IN LIMITED QUANTITIES:

* A few obligatory mentions of charitable ventures. Not to be overused.
* One or two mentions of a friend or family member's business. You will be quickly unfollowed by many if you abuse your fans by twitter-spamming.
* Pictures and/or acknowledgments of groups of children that you are forced to entertain. Future little fanlings warm our hearts, but you're not fooling anyone - we know damn well you'd rather have been at home playing X-Box in your underwear, eating the stale corn chips someone left open on the counter.

NOT COOL:

* Retweets from beggars.
* Campaigning on your own behalf or someone else's to gain more followers and/or to reach some meaningless milestone number thereof. Lame.

ER... WTF?

* Meltdowns ("twantrums") over douchetacular comments from a heckler: bad idea, although entertaining to some, I suppose. Some ball clubs would probably kick your ass over it; in the case of the Blue Jays, it would probably be overlooked - if not praised - by Rogers for increased interest and traffic. May contribute to higher Blackberry sales.

Hazing?

2011-02-24T17:04:00.005-05:00

"Toronto Blue Jays pitcher Kyle Drabek unknowingly wears a gum balloon on his ball hat during baseball spring training in Dunedin, Fla. , on Thursday, Feb. 24, 2011."

Yoinked from Daylife.com. Thanks to the AP photographer with a sense of humour.

Metabolism 101

2011-02-13T13:06:00.021-05:00

I have resurrected the blog!

I don't know how often I'll be posting. It seems like all of my snarky comments and pointless thoughts can be summed up in 140 characters or fewer.

About a month ago, I wrote a scathing response to a blog comment I saw regarding Jesse Litsch and his weight. I deleted it and decided to do a blog post instead. I mean, it's not often that I feel I know enough about something to write a blog post.

I've finally gotten a Round Tuit, prompted by Travis Snider's endorsement of Gary Taubes' latest book, "Why We Get Fat: And What to Do About It."

I've eaten a low-carb diet since 2002, and I rarely talk about it. We LCers tend to keep quiet because people think we're crazy conspiracy theorists and "killing ourselves" because we eat food that actually came from a farm, and not a cardboard box with an ingredients list that reads more like a WHMIS data sheet. So it warms my weary heart when a celeb comes out of the closet, so to speak.

"Why We Get Fat" is essentially a shorter, more reader-friendly rewrite of his 2007 tome, "Good Calories, Bad Calories".

Taubes is not someone trying to get rich with the latest big secret fad to lose weight. He is a critical science journalist with masters degrees in physics and journalism. He has spent years combing through the data to try to figure out how and why the advice we're being given by health authorities has made our health worse. He also does a nice job debunking the "calories in, calories out" nonsense that people buy.

Now, the ignorant comment to which I almost replied was something to the effect that Jesse Litsch needed to stop eating the team spread, get a nutritionist, and drop weight.

I realize it was probably just a meaningless jab at the token fat kid on the team, but I will post the question, anyway: why?

Tell me this: is Jesse Carlson also to be admonished, because he obviously doesn't work out and doesn't eat enough? What's good for the goose is good for the gander, people. They're eating the same spread. You can't say that it's acceptable to be underweight, but it's not acceptable to be equally over-fat. You can't say "it's just Carlson's genes", but not Litsch's. I know that fat discrimination will never go away, and I'm the last person to be politically correct, but it bugs the hell out of me when it leads to the perpetuation of bullshit myths.

I don't particularly care what size Jesse Litsch is, but I'll use him as the token fat kid in this illustration of how stupid it is to look at someone, athlete or otherwise, and draw conclusions about their fitness level or diet.

Vernon Wells is another example. He was criticized by several ignoramuses during spring training last year for "looking fatter." So what? That doesn't say anything about his workout regimen. Maybe his wife learned to cook. Who knows, but who cares? Body fat percentage is irrelevant as a measure of fitness level.

Unless you are privy to medical records, you can't possibly use someone's appearance as an indication of their fitness level and nutrition status. This is one of the biggest scams out there, people: the belief that everyone who is eating and exercising their best, will automatically be entitled to six-pack abs and 5% body fat. Its irritating corollary: anybody carrying some extra body fat couldn't possibly be near their optimum performance.

Wells is a good example because he was recovering from an injury. The more likely explanation for weight gain is medication. In a blog post that I believe he deleted, Dirk Hayhurst wrote about the myriad of medications he was on following his shoulder surgery. He was hospitalized for stomach troubles, and the meds were the prime suspects. It turned out to be something else, but it illustrated how aggressively injuries are treated by the medical staff. They want these guys back at 100% as quickly as possible. The players are likely to be on harsh medications such as prednisone and prescription anti-inflammatories. Many of these are notorious for causing weight gain. There are far more examples of medications that cause weight gain: migraine medicines and SSRIs come to mind.

The reverse is also true. If David Purcey were to have gotten off his Ritalin - a stimulant related to amphetamines - you could expect him to be 10 or 20 lbs heavier, even with no change to his workouts.

Have a look at Litsch's '08 rookie teammates:

Several were missing from the screencap, but let's just say, that's an awful lot of muffin-topping and manboobs going on. Two of the guys were what I'd call ripped. Two were about average. Three had serious guts. Now, because the beer-gutted dudes NOT named Randy Ruiz were graced with a small or average frame and angular faces, no one will ever question their fitness level based on how they look in a baseball uniform. Hell, you could throw 10 or 20 lbs on a guy like Scott Richmond, with a thin frame and mile-long legs, and you'd probably barely notice. Litsch (as well as former teammate Ruiz), however, had the audacity to be born with wrists the size of tree trunks and a round face. He's one of those people who will simply never be thin. So because of this, apparently, he is obviously unfit and needs to go on a diet.

Yeah.

So here's where I wanted to tie it in with the Taubes book: the sad thing is, if Jesse (or insert chubby athlete here) goes to see that nutritionist, he'll be told to eat low-fat and cut calories. He or she might even convince him to become a vegetarian. He'll load up on carbohydrates, like he's supposed to. If he manages to lose any weight, he'll be hungry all the time. His lipid profile will look like crap, with abysmally high triglycerides. His performance will probably go down, especially if he gets below where his body would be at a natural - not necessarily thin - weight. He'll struggle like this until he's 50 and his insulin resistance turns into diabetes. Then, he'll be put on diabetes drugs and statins.

This is where nutrition "science" has failed us. Massively. It was right the first time: before politicians and those with a vested interest decided that a low-fat, high-carb diet a la the food pyramid, which has pretty much never been consumed by any society, was healthy. It was a huge experiment and it has failed.

Now, if Travis Snider's nutritionist steps in and saves the day, Jesse will eat like Lunchbox and start looking a little more like him. All he has to do is give up - or at least drastically cut - sugar, grains and vegetable oils. He'll eat what we evolved to eat: meat, fat, eggs, vegetables, and some fruit. He'll finally get off the blood sugar roller coaster, stop being hungry all the time and he'll settle into whatever body weight is healthy for him. His insulin sensitivity and lipid profile will improve. He'll avoid diabetes and heart disease.

The fat kids win! And they look better than you!

I hope the trainers working with the Jays are even half as forward- and critically-thinking as Alex Anthopolous. If they are, they'll be able to sort through the bullshit, be a step above the conventional wisdom, and truly be able to help their clients perform at their best.

Remember, my friends, "meats don't clash!"

Commence hate mail from vegans! (Sorry, my pasty, unhealthy friends, science is not on your side. But that's another blog post!)

I realize that this wasn't quite metabolism in a nutshell. I just couldn't think of a better title. For some info that could more aptly be titled "Metabolism 101", read Taubes' book, or google "paleo" "primal" "low-carb", etc.

2010-09-27T23:08:00.001-04:00

Jose Bautista and Tweeting Tuesdays

2010-08-24T14:51:00.006-04:00

...which are unrelated.

On Jose Bautista: I was as thrilled as anyone else about #39 and #40 last night, especially considering the circumstances, but I don't know what to think of this whole kerfuffle.

Just a week ago, an article in The Toronto Star painted Bautista as being humble and quiet. Last night, we saw a different side of him.

I hate the fact that Bautista gave those with the Yankeefied Sense of Entitlement™ any reason to kvetch, but at the same time, it was refreshing to see some passion from Bautista. Yes, he lost his cool when Nova probably unintentionally threw at his head, but can you blame him? I imagine any guy getting a baseball toward the face might possibly lose his cool. The outrage from Yankees fans that I saw on TheScore's liveblog was over-the-top.

Bautista later provided the go-ahead run via the longball, and pimped it. There was hate in that swing, certainty in the bat flip, redemption in the slow jog around the bases, and pride in the curtain call.

On Tweeting Tuesdays: Here's why I hate them:
- This "promotion" replaces the value games. It targets a narrow group of already interested fans, and does nothing to get fence-sitter asses in seats.
- The promotional resource burden is shifted to the fans - they use their phones and air time to promote the Jays.
- Law of unintended consequences: it actually has the opposite effect of promotion. It's an extreme turn-off to be spammed with messages on Twitter that make no sense if you're not at the game.
- The "MVT" contest took it to a new low. If I wasn't listening to the radio broadcast and taking shelter at a liveblog, I would have wondered if there was even a baseball game going on.
- Why is there such a spike in Jays Care donations on Tweeting Tuesdays? Did the kids not deserve the donations until the Jays were giving away a suite?

Bottom line, Blue Jays: stick with short code contests. You're not promoting Blue Jays baseball by getting fans to slouch over their cell phones obsessed with the MVT nonsense.

Playing Raceball

2010-08-02T11:18:00.002-04:00

So Ozzie Guillen has spoken out about the fact that Asian players are assigned interpreters, while Spanish-speaking players are left to try to learn English on their own. Perhaps it's simply because there are an awful lot more people walking around the US who can speak some Spanish than Korean or Japanese, but he has a point.

According to Buck Martinez, Adeiny Hechavarria was promoted to AA not because he was playing particularly well, but because no one at the Dunedin A club was fluent in Spanish.

The Ack speculates that part of the reason Jose Bautista is still a Jay is to try to establish the Jays as an organization where Latino players will want to play. I would have to guess that the main reason Bautista is still here is that no one blew the GM's socks off with a great offer, but it also wouldn't surprise me if his leadership/example potential raised the price in Anthopolous' mind.

If Guillen's opinion is widely shared among players, the Jays have a unique opportunity to exploit Toronto's reputation of being a terrific international, multicultural city. Even the GM speaks three languages. If the Jays are going to spend extra money and resources to scout Latino players, they'd be foolish not to do the little things to make it as attractive an organization as possible.

2010-07-18T18:47:00.004-04:00

Today's high temperature in Atlanta, GA was 83°F, but the collective steaming of Braves fans upon hearing about Yunel Escobar's grand slam probably drove the mercury up by an additional 5 degrees.

I ♥ YU.

In other news, AJ Burnett threw a tantrum and subsequently slashed his hands on a door. He claims it won't affect his grip on the ball.

AHAHAHAHA *cough* Whatever you say, big guy.

The MLB HR Leader Not Invited To The Home Run Derby.

2010-07-10T17:56:00.005-04:00

Okay, I know there's always a lot of bitching, complaining, pissing, moaning, homerism, etc regarding the All-Star Game. I know, you could argue that 120 different players deserve to be there, yadda yadda.

...but Jose Bautista not being asked to the Home Run Derby?

You've got to be kidding me.

If the All Star Game only happened once every four years, I could understand going with guys with A Reputation™. But it isn't - it's annual.

So let's take a look at the other AL invitees to the Derby. Here's how many dingers they've hit since last year's ASG, and how Mr Bautista fits in:

V. Wells: 25
R. Cano: 28
Nick Fucking Swisher (yer f*cking kidding me): 29
Big Papi Ortiz: 33
Jose Bautista: 35
M. Cabrera: 37

...so explain to me how Bautista is undeserving of the invite. Please tell me I screwed up my stat search (entirely plausible, since I was in a rush and had a coupl'a drinks...) Please tell me there were extenuating circumstances, such as a long stint on the DL or very few ABs (which I didn't look at.) In fact, I'd love it if someone less lazy than me would compare him to the NL invitees, too, from last year's ASG -> present.

I wholeheartedly endorse the idea of Wells handing over the bat to Bautista right before he's supposed to go out there. Before I had a chance to mention it, a fellow twitosphere member mentioned it to Jordan Bastian, and he agreed.

Please, V-Dub, do it. You have always been all class, even when Toronto fans turned on you. You have the chance to right a wrong, and make a classic All Star Game moment.

Do it, man.

The Weekend In Philly

2010-06-28T20:59:00.004-04:00

This amusing piece of graffiti we saw in Philadelphia pretty much sums up my feelings on this weekend's series.

In case you didn't already figure it out, it turned out that moving this weekend's Jays/Phillies series to Philadelphia was, in fact, a good move. Shit got crazy on Saturday precisely at the time that tens of thousands of Jays fans would have been trying to either get home or get drunker.

We had a great time in Philly. The Phans were pretty good to us, with only a little bit of good-natured jabbing toward us. We actually got a shitload of free alcohol.

My Critique of Citizen's Bank Park: Overall, I give it a B+. It is very nice; but there are a few minor things I didn't like. First, the ribbon boards and scoreboards could be bigger. I had to squint to read them, and I have brand new contact lenses. We had good seats, too. I don't have this problem at the Rogers Centre. You shouldn't have to have better than 20/20 vision to check out the stats. I also found it confusing that some boards were being alternated with ads.

Another issue I had was with the sound system. It wasn't too bad for music and live announcements, but when film clips were being played, I couldn't understand a word.

I suppose this is just a matter of personal preference since I'm not a driver, but I much prefer a ballpark in the middle of the city than out in an asphalt wasteland. I like being able to stroll to restaurants, bars, hotels, and public transit. I guess others prefer having miles and miles of parking spaces. To each his own... but if you think it's easier to disperse the traffic from said wasteland, you are wrong. The parking lots were gridlocked for a good hour after the game, and that's not including the time we spent gridlocked on I-76.

On the positive side, I loved the fact that despite a sell-out crowd, there were very few lineups. Beer, food, washrooms... it all moved along well. Why is it that the same crowd on Opening Day at the Rogers Centre seems to paralyze the staff? I remember hearing the excuse from one beer vendor, "there could be way more of us here, and we could never keep up." Bullshit.

The prices on beer and food were pretty good.

I also love any ballpark with an open concourse. Not only is it nice to be able to keep track of the game while you zip up for your beer/bathroom break, it allows a pleasant a breeze on sweltering days such as those we had this weekend.

I have to rant on Sunday's seventh inning stretch. On Friday and Saturday, as you may have already heard, the Phillies' version of J-Force - whatever the hell they call themselves - dressed in mock-ups of the RCMP's ceremonial uniform and sang "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" followed by, um, the Village Peoples' "YMCA."

Okay, fine. Cute. I'm against political correctness and the RCMP itself perpetuates the "Mountie" stereotype, so no biggie, especially considering that the Phils-Phorce (or whatever) have, for example, shown similar non-PC-ness by dressing up as Hawaiians and doing the hula for Shane Victorino. Fine.

...But Sunday? Apparently, everyone stands up to remove their caps to somberly sing "God Bless America" at all US ballparks. Why? I dunno, and neither does George Carlin, but I digress. Immediately after that, they did the YMCA-Mounties again. That, IMO, was just plain disrespectful and arrogant, considering what was going on back home in Toronto. Quoth Jeff Blair via Twitter, although he may have been quoting others with the "Jays traveling party", whoever they are: "How would the 'Mercans react if we had dancing Marines on the top of the dugouts? That is a valid question, no?" Can you imagine the reaction if J-Force had the nerve to mock 'Mercan law enforcement while shit was going down in the city represented by the other club?

Bad call, Phillies. I found that truly disrespectful. "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" would have been sufficient, doncha think, under the circumstances?

2010-06-20T19:23:00.003-04:00

For Old Time's Sake

2010-06-02T18:28:00.003-04:00

...so out of boredom and curiosity, I thought I'd check up on the namesake of this blog, to see what he was up to these days.

All Joe Inglett's doing is hitting .341 with an OPS of .919 in 44 AB. His first hit as a Brewer was a triple.

Mike McCoy has had a similar number of at-bats.

Yeah, I know, small sample size, rebuilding year, blah-blah-blah... just sayin'.

Doc's El-Perfecto

2010-06-01T11:39:00.006-04:00

"If you're not first, you're last." I recently read that quote somewhere on the blogosphere. I hadn't heard it before, but let me quote it for truth.

I've barely been blogging at all because of working an extra job this year (yes, to support my baseball habit.) Even though I rarely miss a game either on TV, the radio, or at the ball park; I'm always way behind by the time I get some computer time. I won't post unless I really feel like venting or I come up with an amusing story or photo to share.

Anyhoo: like our globetrotting friend Eyebleaf from Sports and the City, it took me a good two days to let Roy Halladay's perfect game sink in. Navin's latest edition of "Stealing Home" over at the Globe sums up my feelings nicely.

I was hung over after being in my best friend's wedding the day before. (I might add, we walked into the venue, just about to walk down the aisle, and I saw the high-fives of the end of the Jays game on the bar television. The timing was nice.) I was hung over, and I had gone to bed with eye makeup on. Yes, THAT'S what made me shed a tear when I saw the highlight videos of Halladay's performance.

I guess I can put that charade to bed - I'm not the only one who felt both elated and bereft.

When my associate and I headed down to spring training back in March, we hoped we'd get a chance to see Halladay pitch... and we did, against the Yankees in Clearwater. We said our goodbyes. It sunk in... or so I thought. Sunday morning, I felt like an ex that dumped me six months ago just married someone else.

How nice would it have been now, for Doc to return to Toronto for a welcome back love-in?

Hosers For Jose!

2010-06-01T09:37:00.005-04:00

Sorry, I'm not sufficiently caffeinated to think of anything funnier.

The Blue Jay Hunter has taken the initiative on behalf of the Jose Bautista Appreciation Society to create a website dedicated to voting J-Bau into a starting outfield position at the 2010 MLB All Star Game. BallotsForBautista.com

You know you're bored of Twitter and Facebook. It's too hot to do much but sit in front of the computer in the air conditioning. Get clicking for Jose.

Ladies and gentlemen, your MLB HR leader isn't even on the ballot for the Home Run Derby Fan Poll. I know, the fan poll doesn't count, but I've been voting for him as a write-in as a matter of principle.

Go aggravate your carpal tunnel syndrome for a worthy cause.

2010-05-11T13:36:00.005-04:00

I'm jetlagged and grumpy from an ashcloud-delayed trans-Atlantic flight yesterday, so forgive me for not being too pleased at the news that the late June series against the Phillies has been moved to... Philly. Apparently, this was decided because of "close proximity" of the ball parks.

Are you kidding me? Glance at a map of North America, and sure, Philly is closer than Los Angeles, but let's consider the fans for a minute. Any city which would require a hotel stay to see a pair of games is not "close proximity." Mets & Yankees = close proximity. Buffalo is close proximity for Leafs fans in the GTA. Philly does not meet my criteria of close proximity to Toronto.

The Tigers are in Atlanta that weekend. The Pirates are in Oakland. The Indians are in Cinci. Detroit, Pittsburgh and Cleveland are all closer than Philly. Did they bother discussing a neutral stadium? I hope this is addressed in the press conference later.

Way to hose the fans once again, Jays.

Home Opener and Dirkulence

2010-04-13T12:30:00.011-04:00

So another Home Opening Day has come and gone.

Jeff Blair summed it up nicely.

The highlight of the day for me was seeing Dirk Hayhurst at Chapters on John St. My associate and I came from out of town, so we decided to make a day of it. I was worried that it would be packed, but we were surprised when we did our 2:00 reconnaissance and it was deserted.

The eloquent pitcher-slash-author read the 'Grandma' chapter of the book, answered some questions, and, of course, garfoosed the books. There was chocolate cake, autographs, and goofy photos for all.

Sadly, Hayhurst sounded pessimistic about the progress of his shoulder rehab. "It's not encouraging when the surgeon says, 'hmmm, that's not supposed to happen,'" to paraphrase.

Hayhurst states via Twitter that he hit several bookstores today randomly signing books, so if you don't have a copy already, go on a wild garfoose chase and find yourself a signed copy.

The game itself was... what it was. Highlights? My chin just about hit the floor at Buck's 400-level dinger. My heart was warm and fuzzy at the lack of booing Wells. Rios? I was rather indifferent.

Lowlights? I wasn't even that disappointed at Frasor's blown save, since we had no choice but to leave by then anyway to catch our bus. The definite lowlights were the usual Opening Day retardedness of the non-fans. I am really leaning toward the DJF's preference to just stay away. I'm sure by next February, I'll be saying to myself, "but... but... IT'S THE OPENER." But it really does feel more frustrating than fun when you're continually distracted by the non-fans. I pay to see a baseball game, not a frat party, not the whorey Bud Girls posing with dudes at the bottom of the section, completely blocking the view of the game. (Yeah, not even waiting until between innings.) I rarely go to bars, and ball games are pretty much my "party time", so I strongly resent said party time being spoiled by a giant frat party preventing me from getting a god damned beer.

It wasn't just the alcohol; it was the same for concessions. My associate and I arrived at the gates before they opened. We were down at the 100 level York Market well before 6:00, and even though it wasn't crowded, it took everyone forever to get their food. The staff were running around with clipboards and no one was getting served. Blue Jays, you should have paid them an extra hour or half hour to get that crap done before the gates opened.

There has to be a way of making the experience better for "real" fans and/or casual fans over the age of... first beer retard. A rebuilding team that doesn't pack the house every night can't afford to turn off fans. A penny for Jeff's thoughts on the issue. Ideas from this uneducated fan include: a section reserved for season ticket and flex pack holders, available prior to individual game sale dates, where there are no group sales (unless they're not students) and have priority concession service. Perhaps a 30+ section (hard to enforce, but...) Perhaps access to the HSBC lounge, which I'm going to assume was only available to sponsors and/or People With Connections, who probably don't even give a shit about the game.

Until then, maybe we'd all rather just join the DJFs at Opera Bobs.

Thoughts On Dirk Hayhurst's "The Bullpen Gospels"

2010-04-06T15:46:00.004-04:00

So just like all the other cool kids, I read Dirk Hayhurst's "The Bullpen Gospels." I laughed, I cried. It is truly an outstanding book and lives up to its hype. (My review, blah blah blah.)

Today, Hayhurst engaged fans in a live chat at Baseball America. He is at least teasing us with the prospect (huh huh) of another book, and gave us Aaron Hill's opinion of TBG:

He didn't get around to finishing it, but in ST this year he said, "I was surprised, it was, you know, good! I thought it would be another baseball book..." I'll take it!

He also answered Yours Truly's question regarding the cover of the book. Egads, Pinstripes. My Yankees fan coworker mocked me for it. Here's what would have been on the cover if His Dirkulence would have had any say in it:

It would have been me being strangled by my grandmother. Yeah, I know the pin-stripes got a lot of sneers (sorry Yankees, I know you won it all, but a lot of people still don't like you...) I also thought about me standing in the snow in my undies with this pathetic smirk on my face... the Baseball Reaper next to me with a foam finger that says #1 fan.

I think either would have worked nicely.

2010-03-14T17:08:00.003-04:00

I'll believe it when it's announced by the club, but it sure is fun to think the Jays swooped in and nabbed Cuban SS Adeinis Hechavarria from underneath the Yankees. Jordan Bastian of mlb.com was told this by Alex Anthopoulos: "I don't want to comment. I don't want to lie. And I don't want to comment."

Surely if the rumour was false, he'd simply deny it?

It's going to be a fun couple of years watching these kids, folks.

(ETA) I almost forgot to wish a Rational and Reasonable 40th birthday to Mike Wilner.

Some V-Dub Lub

2010-03-06T02:44:00.005-05:00

So, my associate and I hit the beginning of yesterday's B game at Bright House Field prior to the real game in Dunedin. We couldn't stay, but any excuse to go back to that ball park was good enough for us. Dave Steib was there.

Later, in Dunedin, the Jays won 14 - 9 or something ridiculous like that. It doesn't really matter.

Vernon Wells had a nice hit.

It wasn't particularly remarkable.

That would be irrelevant, except said hit came approximately thirty seconds after this retarded pile of douche perched himself on the balcony where the GM, scouts and/or other officials usually hold court; directly behind the plate. Apparently, his parents didn't give him enough attention as a youngster, and he tried to make up for that by spewing a stream of epic heckling fail.

"YOU HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING FOR SIX YEARS!" was one of his witty gems. He dug into Wells for his entire at bat... until said bat made contact.

This little heckling failure's balls shrunk up into his kidneys, and the rest of the Jays fans in the stadium had a new appreciation for V-Dub.

Dunedin Stadium is great for heckling. You can hear a pin drop. You don't even need to yell your witty comment very loudly. However, ladies and gentlemen, if you don't have something witty or fitting to say, you are not entitled to heckle.

Dunedin 2010

2010-03-04T08:37:00.005-05:00

Greetings from ~~beautiful~~ craptacular Clearwater, Florida. It's pretty cold here. I have once again trekked down to catch some baseball and sunshine... poverty edition.

My buddy and I took in the Jays opener vs the Tigers in Dunedin, plus the Phillies opener vs FSU in an enjoyable night game. Jordan Bastian sums up the game better than I, apparently not through beer goggles. What he didn't tell you is that Chad The Beer Guy lead the crowd with "Take Me Out To The Ball Game" for the seventh inning stretch.

Brian Dopirak takes a wave:

Bright House Field at night:

Dr. Phil:

I'll Have Whatever Amphetamines They're Having

2010-02-19T19:18:00.007-05:00

Marc Rzepczynski and Brett Cecil, Sept 2009:

Now:

Okay, so they were muffin-topping those mini-skirts a bit. Welcome to my world. But good gawd; did they FEED those boys over the winter?!

Go!

2010-02-19T02:47:00.001-05:00

Spring training is here.

2010 Spring Training Broadcast Schedule

2010-02-14T15:22:00.003-05:00

It has been posted.

The Fan 590 will be broadcasting 9 spring training games, mostly on weekends. MLB.com will provide 5 games in addition to that. mlb.com does not appear to have their gameday audio pricing information up, but it was about $20 last year.

TSN2 will air the final spring training game on Sat Apr 3.

Jays Raise Cheap Seat Prices

2010-02-08T22:36:00.003-05:00

Story here

What the Blue Jays will draw in the upcoming season is an open question. Attendance during a dismal 75-87 campaign in 2009 was 1,876,129, the club's lowest total since 2003, and well off 2008's count of 2,400,416.

More tough times are likely ahead, both on the field and off.

"We understand what the sentiment is out there, we fully embrace Alex's vision with where he's going and any time you have that change and when you're building in a different direction on the field there may be some growing pains as it relates to attendance," said Diplock. "But we think we're going to play a little better than people are suggesting and our hope is attendance can be around where we finished last year.

"Having said that, we're realists, we know what we're going into in 2010."

Well, you're realists about what the team is going to do, but you seem a little naive about the fans.

I noticed when I was sent my schedule that every single weekend game was suddenly a "premium" game.

So the 500 level tickets go up in price? You're nuts, Mr Diplock. Way to alienate the bubble fans: the students, the families, the people who are iffy as to whether or not it's worth the cost of getting there PLUS the ticket prices, PLUS the outrageous concession prices. If anything, more should have been done to get asses in seats up there.

Maybe they were just trying to align the price of seeing shitty Jays baseball with the price of seeing shitty Leafs hockey.

Good Day.

2010-01-29T07:16:00.002-05:00

If you found your way over here from The DJFs, I'll repeat what I've said multiple times here at my li'l corner of the blogosphere: I don't update every time Alex Anthopoulos sneezes. I post if and when I have something unique. It's January. You don't need to hear it from 15 different bloggers that the Jays signed Joe Shitballer to a minor league deal with an invite to spring training.

Coincidentally, I have something unique today. Season ticket holder and friend of mine E gives you her take on last night's State of the Franchise event.

My next update is likely not to be until I'm in Dunedin for the first few spring training games.

Merry Christmoose

2009-12-23T19:58:00.004-05:00

A completely off-topic post about volunteering and generosity.

...so I took up Dirk Hayhurst on his Best-Snowman-Slash-Best-Cookie challenge, to possibly win something.

Hey, it's Christmas Eve Eve, and I'd be doing my baking anyway, so why not?

I present... (drum roll)... The Garfookie.

It was the most disturbing thing to come out of my kitchen since 1998, when, for a Halloween party, I scammed some tubes from the hospital lab at which I worked and filled them with shooters that eerily resembled human blood.

Everything went wrong with Mission Garfookie. It was almost a giant pile of GarFail. I sculpted a brilliant Garfoose out of cookie dough, then forgot that cookie dough melts as it bakes. So I had to perform some surgery half way through and put it back in the oven. Then, my red cake gel was all watery - go figure, it was three years old - so the accompanying ~~baseball~~ Garfooseberry cookie looked like someone randomly bled on it.

/o\

No matter.

He didn't attach any trivia this time, but a lot of Hayhurst's motivation behind his contests is to educate people about causes that are close to his heart. Whether it's something that resonates with you is irrelevant: he just wants you to do something, and so do I.

I had an interesting conversation with a coworker last week. We were discussing volunteering. When you think of the word "volunteering", you automatically associate it with a job. Even if it's just three hours a week, it's usually structured like a job. You have to go for training, you have to find someone to cover your shift if you can't make it, blah blah blah... who has time for another job?

Not me. Not him, as we discussed.

But honestly, what I think is more important is having a volunteer spirit. Look around you and see what you can do. Think of things that involve little or no money:
- Is there someone to whom you could offer carpooling?
- Are there young parents you could help out by offering to babysit?
- Do you know any elderly neighbors, friends or family members who could use a hand? You could take them shopping, help them with yard work, or walk their dog.
- The next time you shovel snow, could you keep going for other people on your street? I always do my entire street. I live downtown and weekend snowstorms in particular leave travelers struggling to get to the bus terminal at the bottom of my street. Been there, done it a million times: I sure feel compassion for the pedestrians trying to navigate downtown streets.
- Practice random acts of kindness wherever you can. Recently, I printed off a bunch of copies of a coupon for a local discount store, and handed them out to anyone in the store that looked like they were spending enough money to use the coupon. Spend $50 and save $10. I knew I wasn't going to spend that much, but to those doing their Xmas shopping there, that $10 can mean a lot this time of year.
- Donate your old stuff to charities.
- If you have a few bucks, buy a few things every time you're at the grocery store, and put them in the food bank bin. Most major grocery stores have these.
- Are there charities that could use your skills? Graphic design, data entry, health care, skilled trades... is there someone who could benefit from your skill set?

Point is, don't give up on the idea of volunteering just because you don't have time for Capital-V Volunteering. Do what you can, whenever you can.

Merry Christmas. ♥

...

2009-12-20T01:12:00.005-05:00

What I Was Thinking

2009-12-18T20:54:00.003-05:00

...but lacked the words.

"Herman" in response to Stoeten's post on The700level.com:

This week, you got three 90-94MPH fastballs with distinct and abrupt motions that can be thrown in any count anywhere he damn well wants, a true ace who demands and expects to excel every single pitch, a workhorse, and a consummate professional, teammate, and neighbor.

By the end of 2013, you will have a couple more titles, Halladay will have two more Cy's, and there will be a new treatment wing at the local kid's hospital, and then you can say Roy Halladay is exactly who Jays fans told you he would be.

That.

Must-Read

2009-12-14T23:40:00.003-05:00

The purpose of my little corner of the blogosphere is to toss out a few Jays-related screen caps and photos here and there for entertainment purposes. I don't like replicating content. It's rare that I'll make a blog post simply to say, "wow! Check this out!"

...but really, check this out:

FOR THE THRILL OF IT: JAYS LOSE A CLASS ACT IN HALLADAY

Will Hill gives us a perspective on Roy Halladay which is new, yet not at all surprising. Doc made prospects barf during pre-dawn spring training workouts? He silently sat and read "The Mental ABCs of Pitching" while surrounded by rowdy teammates tossing balls of tape like a bunch of 15-year-olds?

I bet that's exactly how most of us imagined him behind the scenes.

Doc, I'm In Pain.

2009-12-14T19:39:00.005-05:00

Buddy Doc.

This might be it, kids.

I should have known something ominous was in the air when I noticed that someone left a dirty sawed-off plastic Piglet head on my porch.

Roy Halladay appears to have been traded to the Phillies. (Mike Wilner's take, just because it's the most recent on my RSS feed...) No confirmation on the deal at this time.

Dirk Hayhurst perhaps picked the wrong day to launch his site. No worries, we all have his book pre-ordered already, right?

It's December.

2009-12-07T17:50:00.004-05:00

My god, my hiatus has been so long, I couldn't remember the url of this blog. And I spelled Inglett wrong.

I've been busy enough at work that I was home for exactly one (1) post-season game, and had a hard time giving a crap, anyway. Now that I have five minutes to breathe, I may as well write something.

Not much, just a farewell to the punny namesake of this blog.

Joe Inglett was claimed by the Texas Rangers off waivers on Friday. Good luck, Joe, and I hope you ~~whip out the voodoo dolls~~ earn a fair amount of playing time in Texas. You were a blast to watch in 2008 after you were technically sent back to AAA twice, but just weren't in a hurry to leave town... lucky for the Jays.

Batter's Box features a nice write up on Inglett as part of their December Daily Double POTD.

2009-10-07T00:52:00.001-04:00

"I wanna feeeeeeeeel that waaaaaaaay again..."

The Fat Lady Sang...

2009-10-04T19:50:00.003-04:00

She sang a little ditty called, "Here's One Last Heartbreaking 1-Run Loss In Extras."

...and thanks for not airing it on Sportsnet, Rogers. I wonder what Detroit or Minnesota fans would have thought if their team's games weren't aired.

Photo of the Year.

2009-09-30T21:56:00.001-04:00

Amazingly, this resulted in a superb catch by Rod Barajas.

Sunset on Baseball

2009-09-28T17:50:00.008-04:00

I haven't bothered posting in a while. With my seasonal job full-speed again, I've been behind on baseball. I'm sure there are 150 unread items on my RSS feed.

It was a rainy morning as I tossed my flex pack envelope into the recycling box, and unpacked my Baseball Bag. (Woman Of 100 Purses, am I.)

Despite the awesomeness of yesterday's game and the crowd that showed up, there turned out to be a little bit of a downer.

Out of all the people at the Rogers Centre that the event staff could have possibly screwed over and, in the process, inadvertently reveal that the winners of the Sweaty Jersey Giveaway were chosen well before the game, they did it to Dustin F.O. Parkes.

Look, I don't really care how Rogers wants to run their draws, or even if there IS no draw. If it's only for account holders, ie season ticket or flex pack holders and other repeat customers, fine. Season ticket holders only? Fine. But do the giveaway at a private session. Don't try to sway the entire crowd into believing that it was in any way random, and then throw in a bonus-kick-in-the-balls by making it a public spectacle at the end of the game and selling us the cute-little-kid factor. Everyone probably thought it was "so nice" that the J-Mac and Snider kiddies randomly won jerseys, when in reality, it had more to do with their parents being either (a) particularly annoying account holders, (b) Rogers employees, or (c) wealthy CEOs who buy box seats.

...and I thought the Yankeefied Sense of Entitlement™ was bad.

It's more than a little insulting, personally, because I fell for it. I buy aisle seats for a reason, and I held my beer for eight innings because I was afraid they'd call mine while I was in the can. That'd be my luck. I didn't even want a freaking jersey! I was honestly more paranoid at the public humiliation factor. I likewise fell for being happy for the random folks who got jerseys. I stayed and watched the presentations at the risk of missing my train. (I barely made it.)

As the aforementioned Drunk Jays Fan said,

I'm ashamed that this club represents the city and fans who turned out on Sunday and acted like one of the best baseball crowds I've ever had the privilege of watching a game with, second only to the attendees of the first World Baseball Classic game between Canada and the U.S.A. earlier this year.

We all deserve much, much better.

Damn straight. I'm not even trusting 50/50 any more. I'll participate in fundraisers where there's no luck or drawing involved, thanks.

From The 'WTF?' File

2009-09-13T08:36:00.003-04:00

Scott Richmond and his regrettable meatballs are slowly killing me, so I need a laugh this morning.

Fugly Baseball

2009-09-07T07:39:00.002-04:00

I took in yesterday's sloppy match from a seat in the outfield over the enemy bullpen.

Hmm, what's on that clipboard?

Oh, it's fugly baseball.

(I Have No Words)

2009-09-03T00:33:00.000-04:00

It's September.

2009-09-01T13:04:00.004-04:00

I know "dread" was a word used on the twittosphere to describe at least one person's feelings toward hearing about today's call-ups, but here you go: Joe Inglett, Dirk Hayhurst, and Brian Wolfe.

If that doesn't excite you enough, remember that we get a double dose of baseball tonight! Got the beer in the fridge yet?

My Sentiment Exactly, Boys.

2009-08-31T12:50:00.004-04:00

Mike Wilner postulates that yesterday's loss marked rock bottom for this team. I have to concur. I don't know what was more painful: not having that all-but-guaranteed gift-wrapped opportunity to win from Roy Halladay, or the offense getting shut down by Paul Byrd.

On Friday morning, I wanted to reply to Ian's Obligatory Scott Richmond Update. Bleary-eyed and insufficiently caffeinated to form complete sentences, I had to dash out the door to work. Now I forget what I was going to say, and too grumpy to give a f*ck.

(What was I going to say? Oh yeah.)

In speculating on reasons for his decline:

It's more like just coming down to Earth, now that he's being seen for the second and third time. I'm too grumpy and lazy to go through the game-by-game stats, but off the top of my head, he did well against the Halos on the 22nd. They hadn't seen him before.
If pitchers like Roy Halladay depend on their routines for their success, it should stand to reason that a lack of routine isn't going to do many guys many favours. Being shipped off to the 'pen (as recently as the 7th of this month), skipping his starts on off-days, plus weeks on the DL doesn't exactly sound like the path to throwing well consistently.
On Friday night, the Sportsnet crew said that Roy Halladay and Kevin Millar caught him tipping during a previous start. I wonder how long that had been happening. (Kevin Yousuck Millar is useful for something, haters!)

If you aren't yet completely fed up of watching this team, don't forget, Sportsnet will be carrying four games in three days from Texas! Load up on the beer and nachos, baseball fans!

Photos Wanted

2009-08-30T12:50:00.005-04:00

I started a new tumblelog. It was inspired by the Keggers of Yore tumblelog, which was recommended by Dave of Go Jays Go. Days earlier, I had been going through my own old family photos while visiting my folks. I get a kick out of humourous old photographs, and thought maybe others would, too. So I bring you... Retro Jays Fans.

The trouble is, material is difficult to come by. While everyone uploads digital photos to sites like Photobucket and Flickr these days, few people have scanned old shots and posted them. So I humbly solicit your contributions. If you've got old pictures of yourself in Jays garb or at Exhibition Stadium for a game, I'd love it if you'd scan them for me and let me post them. I will buy you a beer at the Rogers Centre!

My only "rule" is that it's truly old: wearing the retro garb they sell today doesn't count. As a guideline, if the picture is old enough that it's funny, I'll go for it. For example, if you were a gal wearing, say, a world series T-shirt with your baggy pants safety-pinned at the calves and your hair in a blunt cut with a spiral perm, that's pretty funny and retro.

I don't know anyone personally who fit such a description back in the early 90s. No-sir-ee.

Another Tidbit I Didn't Know...

2009-08-23T19:14:00.004-04:00

Wayne The Beer Guy is back at the Rogers Centre! He's now a Jays Care Foundation volunteer schlepping Ice... Cold... 50/50 tickets.

Now there's a guy who obviously loved his job. How many of us would return on a volunteer basis to a workplace from which we were fired?

Indifference.

2009-08-22T21:10:00.002-04:00

Indifference seems to be plaguing the Jays fan base of late. I'm no exception. That's sad. They say that the opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference.

That said, though, plain old burnout is inevitable. Even if the Jays were in a knuckle-biting playoff race, I'd need a break.

I've only been half-assedly paying attention to the Jays blogs and news lately. I never even noticed that I could have been following Alex Rios on Twitter, if I missed him. And I never noticed that a young pitcher drafted by the Jays back in June shares a good whack of DNA with one of their current starters.

Yet, apparently, I will be dragging my ass out of bed at 7:00 on a Sunday morning to make the trek to the Rogers Centre and watch a ball game.

The days are notably shorter, school supplies lines the store aisles, and I need to enjoy baseball while I still can.

2009-08-21T17:41:00.005-04:00

I would first like to apologize to Ian. He was kind enough to host a liveblog of Wednesday's game, and despite The Tao of Stieb suggesting that a few adult beverages make those liveblogs fun, Yours Truly tends to forget that there are those who are relying on such liveblogs for their coverage of the game. Yours Truly recalls the conversation straying to everything from the Muppets to the shittiness of suburban Pizza Pizza locations.

My bad.

In my defense, I think ScribbleLive and similar liveblogging software lends itself better toward a good old-fashioned chat than something like a news update. It would be cool if said liveblogging software allowed for two separate streams: one for official commentary from the host, and one for all other chatter. Of course, there's already Twitter for that.

Okay. So something interesting to share with all y'all about last night's game:

As a car-less pedestrian, I take advantage of the 'net to check local weather via radar if I think there's a chance it'll rain. I kept a close eye on it last night, while I tried to find the perfect time to split from work to home at around 7:00 pm.

Long story short: I mentioned on Drew's liveblog last night that I was surprised that the lid at the Rogers Centre was being peeled back in the 5th inning, because it was obvious that it was about to piss rain again.

Environment Canada did not call it:

The arrow is the direction of the precipitation.

The NOAA's Buffalo radar, OTOH, seems to be far sharper:

That 5th inning break in the rain was just that - a break. Hey Rogers Centre grounds crew - take the radar images from Buffalo.

2009-08-13T22:31:00.005-04:00

Goodbye, Alex

2009-08-11T08:56:00.004-04:00

Like The Blue Jay Hunter, my desktop collection of baseball toys has just gotten a little more passé.

Who will thirteen-year-old girls cheer for at the Rogers Centre now?

I hope Rios earns his playing time in CF and thrives. I don't understand, however, why the Jays couldn't even get a box of donuts for him. Was there really nothing on the scrap heap in Chicago?

B2B Reunion Friday

2009-08-08T13:20:00.005-04:00

- Cito underhanding the ceremonial first pitch to Pat Borders.

It was a hectic day for many Jays fans yesterday.

It was a beautiful afternoon for the lunch time barbecue and autograph signing at the TD court on Wellington St. On a sour note, though, most of us were caught off guard by the extra $20 charge for the autograph portion of the gig that the organizers conveniently omitted from their announcements of the event. A woman behind me in line was even reassured on the phone that it would only cost her ten bucks.

I have no objection to the extra cost considering it was going to charity, but I find it extremely tacky that the organizers felt it necessary to resort to the old bait-and-switch. They made it sound more affordable than it was, and there were a lot of disappointed people who either didn't have the money or couldn't get it because there's no way they could have made it back from a bank machine and still gotten a spot in line.

At least I left with a full gut and a few decent pictures. I headed to Chapters and picked up "Fantasyland" by Sam Walker. Thanks for the suggestions on books, by the way.

There was a signing for season ticket holders, a Q & A with Tom Henke for fan club members, and five autograph tables set up throughout the Rogers Centre prior to the game. Not surprisingly, it was chaos. I don't think I've seen actual chaos at the Rogers Centre since Opening Day.

The nostalgic love-fest before the game was fun to watch. My favorite moment occurred as the Jays Vision cameras were panning along the alumni. Cheers followed as each name was announced. As Dave Winfield's face was shown on the screen, the loudest cheering of the night was given up for him before his name was even announced. May Winfield forever get noise.

...and then there was a baseball game, the results of which you can find at bluejays.com or elsewhere on the blogosphere.

Overall, though, it was an enjoyable day. I'm going for round two tomorrow (Sunday.)

Friday Rock-Out?

2009-08-07T05:57:00.004-04:00

"(Barry Zito) recorded this as his Demo (got leaked to me from studio) and thinks he has a shot at becoming a huge singer. I don’t understand why he just can’t stick to doing what he does best- ripping off the Giants."

I don't know if it's for real or not, but anything that can make me laugh this hard at 5:48 am is pretty damn funny.

HT, again, to Crane via Twitter.

HB, Mr Olerud

2009-08-06T20:21:00.006-04:00

I'm about to dive into the sea of powder blue and hit a Flashback Friday game. It took the B2B reunion and a coincidental reprieve from work to convince me to pry my money from my wallet and make the trek.

(Eyeballing credit card menacingly... )

Before there was Johnny Mac, there was Johnny O. Olerud was my favorite player for a long time. Yesterday marked his 41st birthday.

(Begin Aaron-Hill-esque Dos Equis ad spoof)

His resting heart rate is lower than the number many MLB players wear on their backs.

He jumped directly from college to the SkyDome with no use whatsoever for minor league baseball.

His eye in the batter's box was so superior, he had no need to tarnish his good name by committing theft of the basepads.

He is... The Most Interesting Jays Alumnus In The World.

(ETA) All you stank-ass MFers going back on Sunday, getting there at ridiculous o'clock to get your Henke figurine, for the love of gawd, wear lots of deodorant and dress cool. It's going to be about 41° on the humidex.

Soliciting Baseball Book Recommendations

2009-08-06T13:43:00.003-04:00

I have: (a) a Chapters gift card, and (b) several hours to burn between tomorrow's barbecue and the ball game. As I was too dumb to write them down, I'll have to plow back through the blogosphere in search of the books I had in mind to pick up. Feel free to leave a comment with your favorite baseball books.

Best Facial Expressions Around MLB, Aug 5 '09

2009-08-06T11:47:00.009-04:00

Amusing facial expressions:

The preceding were in response to:
1. Almost getting beaned,
2. Giving up a home run,
3. Loss,
4. Win, and
5. Dazed cat running around Kauffman Stadium.

Strange things happen during a full moon.

HT to Crane via Twitter.

Take Care, GBOAT.

2009-07-31T17:11:00.004-04:00

You were beyond appreciated around these parts.

According to my observations of my fellow fans at the Rogers Centre, there are three occurrences during a baseball game for which people will bother getting off their asses, stand up, and dole out some very loud applause:

A Jays home run,
Near the end of a game when the ribbon boards tell you to "make some noise" (groan), and
Unbelievable defensive plays.

In all honesty, only two players stand out in my mind for getting an assured ovation for their outstanding defensive plays: Prime Minister of Defence John McDonald, and Scott Rolen. It seems like Rolen had a web gem every game I attended. That's more than likely untrue, but that's the impact he had here. It put that kind of bias in my mind.

Safe travels, Mr Rolen.

Now, despite much evidence to the contrary, I have a good feeling about this trade. I can't put my finger on why, but let me state that for the record. I won't go into personal BS, but let's just say that despite the fact that I should be in a completely foul mood today, all in Jays land seems placid to me.

Edwin Encarnacion seems to have endured the hatred of many a Reds fan. He should feel right at home here in Toronto. Perhaps Vernon Wells could take him under his wing and show him all that this great city has to offer. I would absolutely love it if he mysteriously just starts lighting it up and kicking ass.

Oh, and in case you've forgotten or 10:00 pm is just too far past your bedtime, there is a baseball game tonight, yo. Take a nap, then grab yourself some Koolaid.

2009-07-29T09:35:00.001-04:00

This evening, you may see Roy Halladay pitch for the Jays for the last time for the third time.

Two Grand Slams By One Player In The Same Game?!

2009-07-28T01:15:00.004-04:00

It is possible, and has now happened for only the 13th time in the history of Major League Baseball. Your slugger extraordinaire was none other than that red-hot left fielder everyone's been gushing about lately, Washington Nationals Josh Willingham.

See? Baseball can be utterly random... and there is entertaining baseball to be seen beyond OMG WE'RE NOT GOING TO MAKE THE PLAYOFFS!1

Hey, Look Who's Back!

2009-07-27T22:36:00.008-04:00

Hi, Koolaid.

Nice homer, Lyle-Oh.

Apparently, Shaun Marcum is also with the club for treatment for a sore back, which took him out of his last rehab start after only 2 innings.

Two Rants

2009-07-26T20:12:00.005-04:00

Rather, a public service announcement and two rants.

In honour of Dog Day at Ye Olde Ballparke, here's a gratuitous dog photo!

I attended today's game sans chien. I would have brought my German Shepherd, Bravo, if I did not have to rely on public transpo. I'm not sure his CadPat canine tactical vest, leash and collar would have convinced the Commuter Cops on the GO Train that he was a service dog. I'm a terrible liar.

I'll try not to get too far off topic here gushing about my dog. Long story short: this heartbroken shelter dog was an absolute gem in the rough. He is a sweet, intelligent, intuitive dog. Typical Shepherd. Please consider adopting an animal from a shelter or rescue if you're looking for a pet, and don't overlook the seniors.

The rant portion: people who beat, neglect and dump dogs deserve to be severely beaten themselves! How someone could have done that to this dog is beyond me. I wonder how s/he sleeps at night.

Rant deux:

I don't blame anyone for being tired of watching Vernon Wells playing golf with curveballs in the dirt. I can even forgive the booing, because perhaps he got everyone riled up by joking about it ("Fans have been chanting my new nickname, 'boo,' and it's something you feed off.")

...but I was a little stunned today when I could have sworn I heard some hardcore heckling of the guy while he was walking with his family during the Dog Day parade. I was hoping I was wrong - surely I misheard that. That was probably just some dudes yelling to each other. Sadly, though, Siobhan confirmed what I heard. She was a few sections closer.

Unreal, jackasses! UNREAL. Yelling obscenities at the guy while he's participating in a charity event? With his two little kids with him?! As Siobhan pointed out, this officially makes Red Sox fans marginally classier than us! Jesus H. Cookies!

Laugh.

2009-07-26T19:42:00.004-04:00

This one's for my buddy and new blogger Siobhan, in reply to a comment. Surely we could all still use a little comic relief after Saturday's numbing head-shaker, even if said comic relief is in the form of a rehashed link from god-knows-how-long-ago.

Under the category of "medical oddities," here are some of Baseball's Strangest Injuries. I can't vouch for this site's accuracy; feel free to debunk away, but they're still pretty funny.

"Jose Cardenal also missed a game in 1974, because he couldn't blink. He swore his eyes were stuck open."

Oh, I can relate to that. Mine were stuck open for a good three hours after yesterday's loss to the Rays.

Bob Saget

2009-07-26T08:36:00.000-04:00

2009-07-25T10:09:00.004-04:00

I suppose it's rare that players are injured by the equipment that is supposed to protect them.

Kansas City Royals right fielder Jose Guillen could miss up to 10 weeks due to a torn right knee ligament sustained while trying to put on a shin guard during a game.

Guillen was injured in the second inning of Wednesday's 9-6 loss to the Los Angeles Angels, saying he felt his knee pop while bending over to put on a shin guard before his first at-bat. He was taken to the hospital during the game and test results showed a partially torn lateral collateral ligament.

Oh Hai.

2009-07-22T22:19:00.006-04:00

I had my 'net connection cut off this week, and I almost appreciated it.

I think the All-Star Break needs to be longer, because I've got baseball burnout. Not the game, but all the crap around it.

I am sick of indoor baseball 7/10 times I've ventured out to the Rogers Centre so far.

I am sick of trade speculation. Let's at least wait until it happens before we crap ourselves, okay? You bunch of girls.

Anyway, it was cool to finally see one of these:

And very cool to see all those dingers, especially two in one game from Marco Scoo-two-ro for the first time in his career.

Yeah, give that bat some lovin'.

Korean Heritage Night fail: Shin-Soo Choo got the night off.

I'm Trying To Like You, David Dellucci...

2009-07-17T21:28:00.003-04:00

I think Ricky Romero was a Pharoah in a previous life.

The Dinger Derby

2009-07-13T23:04:00.005-04:00

It was interesting. Neither compelling nor utterly boring... just interesting.

Cruz and Fielder.

The kids were almost more entertaining - both the ones full of comedic Fail falling all over each other in the outfield, and the ones sitting in front of the dugouts in lawn chairs, tasked with looking after their dads.

Little Pujols is going to go places, I tellya. This kid was so intense through most of the three-hour contest, he looked like a 50-year-old manager mysteriously trapped in an 8-year-old's body; whose job depended on each swing of the bat.

2009-07-10T22:05:00.008-04:00

Wow, some not-so-fugly baseball. Young Mr Cecil tossed six innings, giving up four hits and zero runs. The Jays' offense wasn't exactly fireworks, but it was enough to get the job done tonight. Scott Rolen's hitting streak came to an end at 25 games. Bravo, GBOAT.

Don't worry, Cecil family, Sportsnet only showed you about 15 times, including when you had the signs backwards. Heh heh.

I had a total Twilight Zone/Coast-to-Coast-AM moment in the first inning, though:

Cecil had struck out Adam Jones... or so I thought. I did a li'l YEAH! fist pump, and watched pitcher and batter start walking away.

Then, Campbell and Tabler are laughing at Cecil for thinking it was strike three. Er, it was, thinks I.

Brian Butterfield comes out to argue it with the umpire. See? I knew it.

Then, Roy Halladay is laughing at the whole situation from the dugout.

Tomorrow, I'm going to cash in on the freebie sample of mlb.tv and watch that at-bat to see if there was something weird that fooled everyone into thinking there were three strikes.

Maybe I should just stop watching games on a beer and an empty stomach.

(Shakes head)

Oddities

2009-07-10T08:12:00.003-04:00

Pirates RHP gets W... for Nationals

"Joel Hanrahan earned his first win of the year the easy way -- hanging out in his hotel room.

And it was a victory that defied geography.

The Pittsburgh Pirates reliever was enjoying a day off in Philadelphia on Thursday when his former Washington Nationals teammates were finishing off a suspended game in Houston by winning 11-10 in the 11th inning, and he was the winning pitcher.

'It's pretty funny,' Hanrahan told The Associated Press by phone from Philadelphia, where the Pirates face the Phillies on Friday. 'It feels pretty good in the situation that we're in. Houston is a team in our division and we gained ground.'

How did he learn he finally has a win this season: 'I got a bunch of text messages.'"

Schtuff.

2009-07-06T19:44:00.007-04:00

Despite some stellar defense from the Jays, today's 7-6 win over the Yankees was a little uglier than it needed to be. A balk, two hit batsmen, a run walked in, and some pretty psychotic umpiring didn't interfere with Ricky-of-the-Year Romero earning another win.

God, I hate the Yankees and their ballpark.

I have to say, though, in John McDonald's defense: I'm not sure we can credit the bizarre physics of New Wankee Stadium for his home run. The wind was blowing in FROM left field, and that's where J-Mac deposited Pettitte's 3-2 offering. Let the man relish in his 'no-doubter', as dubbed by the Yankee's broadcasters.

--

Courtesy of the drama ensuing in my backyard over the last week, you are all now cursed with seeing a baby blue jay pic every time a rookie makes a debut.

...and courtesy of young Mr Mills having bruised ribs (!?), tomorrow's victim of being thrown into the deep end of the pool is... Marc Rzepczynski. (How's that name for a rainbow across his back from one hip bone to the other? Hell, I had to get 'Richmond' in children's sized letters...)

Zep (can we just call him that?) becomes the fifth baby jay to make his ML debut this season, breaking the club record set in the 1977 inaugural season.

Break a leg, kiddo. WAIT - I take that back. I should just say, "good luck." Don't break anything, for the love of gawd.

Random musing, and because I'm not a Real Blogger™, I couldn't be bothered looking this up: has there ever been a team with all five starting pitchers being rookies, even very briefly? The Jays have come close: with Halladay on the DL recently, the Jays were down to Tallet as the only non-rookie starting pitcher.

Michael Barrett is now off the DL. Funny, I was just wondering yesterday if his rehab was being (cough) extended due to coming down with a case of Raul-Chavez-being-awesome-itis. I must say, I'm liking the way Chavez wakes me up in the middle of not-paying-attention-to-the-game with snap pick-off throws.

We Interrupt This Losing Streak To Bring You Cute.

2009-07-05T17:00:00.009-04:00

I am a girl, and I am cashing in on my god-given right to cheer myself up with Cute Shit.

I'm sure you've all been biting your nails waiting for an update on Little Dude. Well, here you go. I took this picture on Friday morning:

Today, he was joined by a sibling:

Other than that...

2009-07-05T13:27:00.008-04:00

"I'd rather miss two starts than the second half. I'm looking at the big picture. It's tough, but I'm trying to help this team. If I go out there not 100 percent, I don't feel like I'm helping the team." - Scott Richmond

"We've got so many guys down in this organization as far as pitchers. We're just going to let him rest until after the All-Star Game." - Cito Gaston

"Fuck off, baseball Gods." - Eyebleaf

Things That Make You Go "Huh?"

2009-07-04T18:20:00.004-04:00

"Scott Richmond, originally expected to start Sunday's game, was placed on the 15-day disabled list after Saturday's loss to the Yankees, so Cecil will be moved up from Tuesday's start to pitch at Yankee Stadium."

o.O ?

Bitter

2009-07-03T20:14:00.005-04:00

Jays lost. 'nuff said. Grumpy.

Hey, surely there's some good news elsewhere on the ol' blogosphere!

...or not.

(via Go Jays Go via Orioles Magic)

"Oh, I'm sorry. I was just polishing my MVP trophy. How many MVPs do YOU know who can't make that tag?"

Take note, Aaron Hill! That's what it takes to be an All-Star!

--

Brighter news: the li'l baby blue jay is thriving. Just four days later, and he has the stripes on his face and he can fly short distances, though he has yet to master the art of landing. He did quite the faceplant trying to land on my chain link fence today.

Hrm.

2009-06-30T20:52:00.011-04:00

I've been a little too busy to post much lately... busy, and totally lacking in material without regurgitating the same old game recap that's already been reworded 50 times on the RSS feed we all read. I was entrusted with the steering wheel at Go Jays Go on the weekend, and let's just say that the weak material made it easy for me. I was there at the Rogers Centre on Saturday and Sunday, spiffy new camera in hand, and there wasn't even anything worth photographing and posting. I'm getting disappointed in you, RC Jays fans. You're boring.

Tonight's Alcoholic Beverage Of The Game is the Killer Koolaid.

* 1 1/2 oz Vodka
* 1/2 oz Peach schnapps
* 1/2 oz Amaretto
* 3 oz Cranberry juice cocktail

This was my favorite drink when I was a broke university student. Maximum buzz, minimum cash.

(And now for something totally off topic...)

I've missed half of the game because of this little bugger, who I've been keeping an eye on for the last day and a half:

No shit, I found a baby blue jay next to my deck yesterday afternoon. He doesn't have his tail feathers yet and is too little to fly. I'm trying to keep him in my yard, because he hopped over to the neighbor's yard last evening, and proceeded to have a near-death experience with their cat, who, mercifully, is a pitiful hunter.

I've had to snag the baby jay up about five times now, after he's wandered over too far into feline territory. I think he's getting fed up of that; he squawks at me now. At least the parents leave me alone. I've fed them peanuts all winter, so they seem cool with me.

Joey Votto

2009-06-23T17:29:00.010-04:00

Tonight's starting lineups have yet to be announced, but if the hometown boy is playing (ETA - yes, he's in the lineup) you Messin' With Recession MFers better give him one hell of a noisy standing O.

It was just Fathers Day.

He deserves it.

Shockingly, 20% of voters on a recent poll at insidethemajors.com felt that players with anxiety disorders were somehow undeserving of DL time. (Bart's site seems to be down at the moment. Take my word for it.) Tell me, after reading Votto's breif account, does it sound like he was in any shape to play? Would you want a guy in that condition on your team?

I'm trying to imagine what the argument against it would be. That players might fake it? Why would a player fake something with a negative stigma attached to it, when they could just fake a physical injury?

Happy Fathers Day

2009-06-21T18:18:00.002-04:00

My dad, starting me off right.

My dad is awesome.

In the 70s, he basically looked like Brian Tallet and Rance Mulliniks had a baby.

You may not know him by name, but if you've ever seen the large celestial body known as The Moon, my dad singlehandedly hung it there.

Daddy, thanks for: baseball, self-reliance, proper spelling and grammar (when it's important, ie not the blogosphere), baseball, discipline, common sense, the somewhat sophisticated British sense of humour, the somewhat less sophisticated British high alcohol tolerance; common courtesy, the courage to be myself... and did I mention the baseball?

At Least We Got A Few Innings Off

2009-06-20T20:11:00.005-04:00

I was hoping they got up to leave. For good.

I love how everyone who DOESN'T rely on the center field camera for their view of the game actually thinks these guys are funny.

Hey KKKKKKKKKKKoolaid!

2009-06-17T20:46:00.010-04:00

Scott Richmond grabs himself a career-high 9 10 11 strike-outs... not including his own at the dish. Hey-oh! At least he swung. You go, buddy.

LOL. So wrong. Interleague. WTFBBQ.

Lookit 'em stats: 000. 0. 0. Lookit all 'em goose eggs. You just keep throwing strikes, sweetheart.

8 IP, 11 Ks, only 107 (or so) pitches thrown. All'a sudden, that "Richmond Set to Replace Halladay" headline doesn't seem so funny, does it, bee-otches?

Richmond seems to do well in the pissing rain. His first career win came in Baltimore last year after a complete came shutout... sorta. It was called after 5 innings.

Music: "September In The Rain", Frank Sinatra

"Richmond Set To Replace Halladay"

2009-06-17T17:40:00.006-04:00

Richmond Set To Replace Halladay

Guffaw. Imagine magically sending that headline back in time to the March 2009 You. Then, add that Halladay, Janssen, Downs and Litsch have joined Marcum and McGowan in the DL club. The '08 rotation is officially gone, Mike-Foxtrot-ers!

March-2009-You would have a brain aneurysm.

I dunno, I'm just not feeling the gloom quite yet. Maybe it's the time of year; that my seasonal affective disorder turns into mania right about now... but I'm somehow confident that we're in for some good baseball. To shamelessly steal Eyebleaf's MO, I believe in Scott Richmond. FNA.

On last night's "ugly" win... don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Wasn't there a lot of complaining last year about how many games the Jays could have won had they only taken advantage of the other teams' mistakes? Last night was karma. The Jays made mistakes, they won the game.

Scott Downs, are your feet made of paper mâché? Good grief, boy. While I'm not exactly a fan of interleague play, I think citing Downs' injury is a very weak argument against it. That was the kind of freak injury that could have happened just as easily if he slipped stepping off the bus, or if he was, say, fielding an infield play. Hey, wait! Come to think of it, that's exactly what happened to him TWICE late last season. I guess we need Designated Fielders to stand next to pitchers and be prepared to run on wet grass, dive at bunts, and all those other dangerous things that could conceivably injure a pitcher.

These guys all do resistance training and run, do they not? Blaming this kind of injury on pitchers batting is kind of like accusing someone of cheating if they happen to win on scratch tickets several times in a row.

Tonight's Alcoholic Beverage Of The Game is the brain aneurysm. Add 1/3 shot of Bailey's to 2/3 shot of peach schnapps, drizzling it slowly so it congeals. Add a few drops of grenadine for the blood effect. (No joke, it's a real shot, and a tasty one at that.)

Goddammit.

2009-06-12T22:26:00.011-04:00

Well, that was almost like watching two different ball games, wasn't it?

I mean, if I were to tell you ahead of time that you would see:

- Halladay starting,
- Halladay starting after being sent home a day early from Texas for some extra ZZZs, no less,
- They're playing the Marlins, and
- Immediately following Doc, the bullpen would throw three shutout innings,

...you'd probably just think it was strange that the bullpen would need to throw three innings for Doc, period. And, of course, the Jays won, right?

Nope.

Doc got broken. Early.

Scott Richmond is rumored to have done nicely afterward, but gee, it was hard to tell, with the game audio suddenly consisting of interviews and all.

Don't get me wrong, I think the Flashback Fridays and Comfort Zone guests are great. I love hearing from the old-timers. But do they really have to do it in the middle of the game? If you're enough of a fan that you appreciate those interviews, you're probably enough of a fan that you're probably trying to, y'know, PAY ATTENTION TO THE GAME.

Top of the fifth: Balor Moore. Top of the sixth: the scouting guy. Fed up, I decide to cash in on the Gameday Audio subscription I almost forgot about. Now Balor Moore is being interviewed by Jerry and Alan. FFS.

I digress. Close ballgame up until that point. I was having fun. Voodoo Joe singled and RBIed to tie the game, stole a bag, and proceeded to get RBIed.

Not long after that, it morphed into some shitty ballgame that requires no summary on my part. RSS is your friend. I'm going to bed.

Music: Prodigy, Take Me To The Hospital

Freaks of Nature

2009-06-12T07:57:00.005-04:00

During last night's broadcast, Jerry and Alan were discussing pitchers who threw with their non-dominant hands.

The Blue Jay pitchers mentioned, if I remember correctly, were Duane Ward and John Cerutti.

They forgot left-handed right-handed pitcher Jesse Litsch:

More Dirk

2009-06-11T07:57:00.003-04:00

...on country music, slot machines, and a new drink for Ian to offer up with the Kool-Aid and mash liquor:

Hey!

2009-06-10T22:15:00.001-04:00

Stop that!

(Tap tap tap...) Rain Delay.

2009-06-10T20:25:00.009-04:00

...so it's 9:47 pm EDT, and the weather radar in TX is still rather orange, yellow and red. Methinks it'll be a late night for those of us Jays fans who stay up if they actually get this game in.

I am bored.

So you get a screen cap of Mr Hayhurst from his interview on Jays Connected.

GARFOOSE!

(ETA) Uh, yeah, I guess they called it. I concur with Dave, every ballpark should have a removable lid.

(ETA again) Even funnier: (flood)

Oh Noez...

2009-06-09T18:20:00.004-04:00

Jays' Jesse Litsch Needs 'Tommy John' Surgery

I am sad for Jesse. It seemed promising when he left that game in mid-April, reminding folks that he had never been injured before.

Scutaro Now Leads MLB In Grins.

2009-06-08T22:52:00.002-04:00

Good Try...

2009-06-08T20:53:00.001-04:00

Foxtrot This Sierra

2009-06-05T18:42:00.006-04:00

Rios apologized. No one was too pissed at him in the first place, considering the circumstances, right?

I'm in the military. Just this week, I attended a cadet inspection and caught myself cussing not once, not twice, not three times, but four times in front of cadets and/or their parents. It just kinda... y'know. I let it slip. Yes, I'm an idiot. But I wasn't even angry. I wasn't having a bad day. I certainly wasn't being taunted.

To defend Rios further, I speculate that one doesn't have an appreciation for the impact of the F bomb when English is one's second language.

If I was taunted by a piece-of-shit of that piece-of-shit's magnitude, I'd probably induce strokes in children with my collosal display of obscenity. The difference between Alex Rios and I is that no one would bother recording it and posting it to youtube for the sake of douchebaggery and dick-waving.

By the way, you all got a good look at the guy, right? I know I did. I hope he's smart enough to stay away from the Rogers Centre now.

(Sigh)

2009-06-04T19:03:00.011-04:00

Summer is officially here. That was my first game at which the lid was off the ball park. Sun, beer and baseball.

Thus, I'm not too bummed about today's loss. T'would have been nice for that eighth inning rally to have paid off, but... no dice.

A few pics from God's country:

Voodoo Joe's single:

Dirk Hayhurst's debut as a Jay:

Some colourful brats:

I think he has kids your age, girls. o.O

Three Quick Things

2009-06-04T06:39:00.006-04:00

1) I hate work when it makes me miss entire weeks of baseball.

2) HB.

Once upon a time, you could see The Dome from across the lake. This is a scan of a post card from St Catharines. Why anyone would send a post card from St Catharines is beyond me, but I digress.

3) I hope Dirk Hayhurst throws half as well as he writes. Perhaps he'll be able to follow up his first book (due for release next spring) with a second detailing his misadventures in Canadialand.

I'm off to the city for today's bratinée game. Later!

..And The Angels Wept.

2009-06-02T23:55:00.004-04:00

"...and that one (#14, career high) ends the ballgame..."

Faster than the next frame could capture it, that ball was caught at the knees.

Barajas on Doc, via Jordan Bastian's twitter: "For me, it's fun, because I know I'm going to go out there and see one of the best pitchers of my generation."

Oxygen, STAT.

2009-05-29T20:48:00.007-04:00

RECOMMENDATION: start running with Doc twice a week. Throw in sprinting intervals.

Wake Up, Jays.

2009-05-29T02:03:00.001-04:00

Alexithymia

2009-05-27T19:01:00.004-04:00

(staring blankly at this for about fifteen minutes...)

---

A Ten-Game Losing Streak.

2009-05-27T17:46:00.005-04:00

...or so it seems. Didn't the Jays manage to lose that game twice today?

Someone said they wanted to do shots? I'm there, man.

2009-05-24T20:47:00.003-04:00

You're going down.

@#$!

2009-05-24T19:57:00.008-04:00

...so the Jays were able to snap their losing streak, thanks in part to Scott Richmond's stellar performance at the plate!

Wait, that's not what happened.

This is what happened.

Jerry and Alan were having a lot of fun with the starting pitcher's first shot in the batter's box. After a big swinging strike:

"It looks like the bat swung him!"

After he grounded out: (paraphrased)

"Well, maybe he did swing the bat a little in Edmonton. As soon as he made contact, he just bolted for first base!"

"At least he ran the right way!"

Laughter ensued. Sure, guys; it's all fun and games until someone loses an eye!

I kid. It was funny.

I think I mentioned this already, but it would have been nice to SEE the freaking game.

BOB SAGET

2009-05-24T13:14:00.005-04:00

I know, the Tourette's Guy thing is old, but that's become my favorite expletive again. And it's always fun to mess up Google keyword searches.

This losing streak thing is getting on my nerves.

This game-only-televised-on-some-obscure-Rogers-cable-channel thing is REALLY getting on my nerves.

So most of us will be missing Scott Richmond's first big league at-bats. While they're most likely to be buntactular, Jordan Bastian quotes him as claiming that he hit one off the wall in BP. He should consider hacking away, since the way things have been going, he's going to have to bat in his own runs if he wants the W. Hey, if you can hit it TO the wall, you can knock it over, right?

Jamie Campbell should be off your shit list, if only for this comment:

I went to bed hungry because nothing is open downtown and I refuse to drop $18 on room-service soup. (...) Starbucks is closed. Silly me; it's Saturday! (...) The only place open is Hooters, but I need something more substantial than chicken wings. So it's back to the hotel bar for a Miller Lite and a handful of wasabi nuts. I would have ordered real grub if the kitchen wasn't -- wait for it -- closed. (...)

Question for Chipper Jones: Where can a guy get a slice of pizza around here?

(High five)

First Sighting of 2009...

2009-05-22T21:20:00.006-04:00

Welcome Back

2009-05-22T18:33:00.006-04:00

I have to post something, right?

Okay, well... it's Friday, the weather is beautiful, I'm enjoying a beer, and Voodoo Joe has arrived at the party, albeit fashionably late.

From Jordan Bastian:

QUOTE OF THE DAY: "No voodoo this time." -- Pitcher Brian Tallet to Inglett. Last year, it seemed like every time Inglett was sent down, someone got injured and he was called right back up. That led former manager John Gibbons to dub him Voodoo Joe. "That's right, he's back," Inglett said with a grin.

Hmm...

2009-05-22T01:40:00.007-04:00

...so The Franchise™ has been sent to Vegas.

I wonder who they'll call up.

Oh, look who just reappeared off the DL tonight...

...and we all know how Cito likes his tried n' true guys, right?

...just sayin'.

Joy!

2009-05-21T14:19:00.003-04:00

Now you can have overpriced Rogers Centre hot dogs at home!

Ouch

2009-05-21T10:05:00.004-04:00

If you need a cheer-up after last night's spanking of young Mr Cecil, head over to Mop Up Duty for some background on Roy Halladay that you probably didn't know. A Story Forgotten: Halladay’s Reinvention

So I hear that the commentary on NESN (which they actually pronounce "Nessen"? *groan*) leaves a bit to be desired? I guess I'm not missing much by not having TSN2. ("Tissen two"?) I'll be more than satisfied just listening to the Fan 590 to catch ~~Robert~~ Bobby Ray taking the mound tonight for The Good Guys.

That bird in the photo, incidentally, did not die in its embarrassing fall from a fence. It shook itself off and flew on.

Lame Canadiana

2009-05-19T17:18:00.005-04:00

Extra CanCon yesterday:

Geddy Lee.

Q: Why Are These Men Smiling?

2009-05-18T20:06:00.003-04:00

(ie, a cheesy Photo Day post.)

A: Because
, that's why.